Why Marriages Don’t Last Today.
Marriage has long been considered a sacred bond between two individuals, promising love, loyalty, and companionship for life. However, in recent times, the institution of marriage seems more fragile than ever. Divorce rates have soared, and many couples struggle to stay together.
Chapter 1: The Changing Definition of Marriage.
Traditionally, marriage was seen as a lifelong commitment bound by cultural, religious, and societal expectations. Today, marriage is more about personal fulfillment and emotional satisfaction. The shift from duty and stability to love and happiness has redefined what people expect from marriage, making it more susceptible to dissolution when expectations aren’t met.
In the past, marriage was seen as a permanent union often based on family arrangement, religious obligation, or social duty. It was about stability, raising children, and maintaining family or societal status. Love was important, but it wasn’t always the main reason people got married.
Today, marriage is more centered around personal fulfillment, emotional connection, and individual happiness. People expect their spouse to be a best friend, lover, confidant, and sometimes even a source of constant happiness. This shift has made marriages more emotionally intense but also more fragile—because when expectations aren’t met, people are more likely to walk away rather than stick it out.
The chapter highlights how the modern view of marriage has become more individualistic and emotionally driven, which can lead to disappointment when the relationship doesn’t meet every need. It doesn’t mean people don’t value marriage anymore—but they value different things within it.
In the 1960s, Margaret and James married in a small rural town. Their union was largely shaped by tradition: James was expected to provide financially, while Margaret managed the home and raised their children. Their marriage wasn’t perfect—arguments and hardships were common—but they stayed together because marriage was seen as a lifetime commitment. Divorce was frowned upon, and enduring difficulties was considered part of the journey.
Fast forward to today: Emily and Ryan, a couple in their early 30s, met online, fell in love quickly, and married within two years. Their expectations were shaped by modern values—deep emotional connection, shared hobbies, mutual career support, and constant excitement. A few years into the marriage, Emily began to feel emotionally disconnected because Ryan became more focused on work. Ryan, on the other hand, felt overwhelmed trying to meet Emily’s emotional needs while managing job stress. Instead of working through their growing pains, they felt something was “missing” and eventually divorced.
The key difference here is expectation and mind set. Margaret and James valued endurance and stability. Emily and Ryan valued emotional fulfillment and personal growth. Neither is wrong—but the modern model requires constant communication, emotional intelligence, and effort to evolve together.
Another example is social media influence. Sarah, a newlywed, constantly compared her marriage to the curated, picture-perfect relationships she saw online. When her own marriage didn’t mirror the same “spark,” she questioned its worth. This pressure to live up to idealized standards created emotional dissatisfaction, even though there was no real crisis in her relationship.
Chapter 2: Unrealistic Expectations.
Many individuals enter marriage with unrealistic ideals shaped by media, fairy tales, and societal pressure. When reality doesn’t match the fantasy, disappointment sets in. The assumption that a partner should fulfil every emotional, spiritual, and physical need puts undue pressure on the relationship.
Many people walk into marriage carrying a silent checklist—often shaped by romantic movies, social media, novels, or even childhood dreams. This checklist might include a partner who always understands without asking, constant passion, zero conflict, perfect communication, financial stability, and unending happiness. But reality rarely matches this fantasy.
Take the story of Liam and Rachel. They had a whirlwind romance full of weekend getaways, late-night talks, and butterflies. After getting married, they moved in together and suddenly faced unpaid bills, messy routines, and stress from demanding jobs. Rachel felt Liam had changed—he wasn’t as affectionate or attentive. Liam, meanwhile, was overwhelmed and confused by Rachel’s emotional distance. They both realized they’d expected the honeymoon phase to last forever, without anticipating the daily work marriage requires.
Unrealistic expectations can also surface in deeper ways. Some people expect their partner to “complete” them—to heal old wounds, fill emotional voids, or offer unwavering support at all times. While partners can be incredibly supportive, expecting one person to meet every need is not only unrealistic—it’s also unhealthy.
Consider Amina, who grew up in a home where love was rarely expressed. When she got married, she expected her husband to constantly reassure her of his love. But he, having grown up in a more stoic household, expressed love through actions rather than words. Amina felt unloved, while her husband felt unappreciated. Their mismatch in expectations led to resentment, even though both genuinely cared.
The truth is: marriage is not a fairy tale—it’s a partnership. It involves compromise, growth, and patience. When couples expect perfection or believe love alone is enough, they set themselves up for disappointment. Love is a beautiful foundation, but it’s the daily choices—respect, kindness, sacrifice, and communication—that keep a marriage strong.
Modern culture often tells us that if something doesn’t make us happy, we should walk away. While that can be valid in abusive or toxic situations, it can also promote a throwaway attitude toward marriage when challenges arise. Learning to adjust expectations, accept flaws, and grow through hard times is key to building a lasting bond.
Chapter 3: Lack of Communication Effective.
communication is the bedrock of a healthy marriage. Unfortunately, many couples struggle to express their needs, desires, and grievances openly and respectfully. Miscommunication, or lack of communication altogether, breeds resentment and emotional distance.
Communication is often referred to as the lifeline of a relationship. Yet, it’s one of the most common reasons marriages break down. It’s not just about talking—it’s about being heard, understood, and emotionally connected. When communication falters, misunderstandings grow, and emotional distance sets in.
Take the example of David and Cynthia. David worked long hours and often came home exhausted. Cynthia, a stay-at-home mom, spent her day caring for their two toddlers and waited eagerly for adult interaction once David returned. But instead of engaging, David would retreat to the couch or bury himself in his phone. Cynthia felt ignored and unloved. David, on the other hand, felt unappreciated for how hard he worked. Neither of them voiced their feelings properly—they snapped, gave the silent treatment, or made sarcastic comments. Slowly, love turned into frustration.
Silence can be as damaging as shouting. Many couples avoid difficult conversations—about money, sex, in-laws, parenting—because they fear conflict. But avoidance only allows problems to fester beneath the surface. For instance, Nina and George never discussed their differing views on having children. Nina assumed George would eventually come around. George assumed Nina would let it go. Five years in, the unspoken resentment exploded, and their marriage unravelled.
On the other hand, some couples do talk—but in toxic patterns. Blaming, interrupting, dismissing feelings, or using harsh language can erode emotional safety. A disagreement about laundry can spiral into accusations about “never helping” or “always being selfish.” These repeated communication breakdowns build walls between partners.
Effective communication involves more than just words—it’s tone, timing, body language, and intent. It’s also about listening with empathy, not just waiting to respond. For example, when James and Priya started therapy, they learned a simple trick: repeat what your partner said before replying. It forced them to truly listen and reduced misinterpretations. “So, what I hear you saying is that you felt hurt when I didn’t call,” James would say. That small change transformed their dynamic.
In today’s busy, tech-filled world, it’s easy to talk more to our phones than to our spouses. But emotional connection requires intentional conversation—not just about logistics, but about dreams, fears, gratitude, and love.
Chapter 4: Infidelity and Betrayal.
Cheating remains a leading cause of divorce. In the digital age, emotional and physical affairs are more accessible than ever. Infidelity destroys trust and often leads to irreparable damage in the relationship.
Infidelity—whether emotional, physical, or digital—is one of the most painful betrayals in a marriage. It cuts at the heart of trust and often leaves deep wounds that are hard to heal. While it’s easy to label a cheating partner as simply “bad” or “selfish,” the truth is often more complex.
Forms of Infidelity.
Infidelity isn’t just about physical affairs. Today, it can take many shapes:
• Emotional affairs: sharing intimate thoughts and feelings with someone outside the marriage.
• Online affairs: sexting, flirty DMs, or explicit conversations through apps and social media.
• Porn addiction: for some couples, excessive or secretive use of pornography can feel like a betrayal.
• Workplace intimacy: spending more time, attention, or emotional energy on a colleague than a spouse.
The Why Behind Infidelity.
It’s a myth that people only cheat because they’re no longer in love. Many people who cheat still care for their spouses but are seeking something they feel is missing—validation, excitement, emotional connection, escape from stress, or even revenge.
Take Kevin and Alisha, married for eight years. Kevin began an emotional affair with a coworker who “got him” in ways he felt Alisha no longer did. He said he didn’t plan it, but it started with friendly chats and slowly crossed boundaries. Alisha, meanwhile, was shocked. She had been juggling two kids, a job, and a home, unaware that Kevin felt disconnected. Their failure to communicate created a vacuum that someone else filled.
Then there’s Lydia, who cheated on her husband after years of emotional neglect. “I just wanted to feel seen again,” she said. “I wasn’t trying to fall for someone else—I was trying to remember who I used to be.” While her actions hurt her marriage, they revealed a deep loneliness that had gone unspoken for years.
Infidelity often doesn’t start with sex—it starts with a secret. Small things: hiding texts, deleting messages, changing passwords. Once secrecy enters a relationship, trust begins to die.
The Fallout.
Infidelity shatters more than trust—it breaks self-esteem, questions identity, and creates deep emotional trauma. The betrayed partner often asks:
“Was I not enough?”
“Did they ever love me?”
“What else was a lie?”
Some marriages don’t survive it. Others do—but only with honesty, therapy, time, and mutual effort. Rebuilding trust after betrayal is painful and slow, but possible when both parties are committed.
The Role of Technology.
Technology has made cheating easier and more discreet. Dating apps, private browsers, encrypted messaging—all these allow for secret relationships. Even casual browsing of explicit content can lead to emotional detachment in marriage. What once took effort now takes a few taps on a screen.
Infidelity is never justified, but it’s often a symptom of deeper cracks in the relationship. That’s why prevention starts with intentional intimacy, regular communication, vulnerability, and setting clear boundaries with others. A strong marriage doesn’t just avoid cheating—it actively protects the bond every day.
Healing After Infidelity.
Infidelity doesn’t always mean the end of a marriage. But it does mark the end of the marriage as it was. If both partners are willing, a new chapter can begin—one rooted in honesty, accountability, and deep emotional work. Healing is not linear, and it’s not quick—but it’s possible.
1. Immediate Honesty and Transparency.
After betrayal, the injured partner deserves the truth. Half-answers or defensiveness only prolong the pain. The unfaithful partner must be willing to:
• Answer difficult questions honestly.
• Cut off all contact with the third party.
• Be transparent—sharing passwords, schedules, and intentions.
Example: After confessing to a six-month affair, Jon gave his wife full access to his phone and calendar, not because she didn’t trust him, but because he wanted to rebuild that trust with openness. He said, “I had to earn her peace of mind again.”
2. Create a Safe Space for Pain.
The betrayed partner may experience anger, sadness, confusion, shame, and obsession. These emotions are natural. The cheater must be patient and resist the urge to rush forgiveness or shut down difficult conversations.
Tip: Schedule “check-in” talks so emotions can be expressed safely—without turning every moment of the day into conflict. These talks help partners explore feelings without spiraling.
3. Seek Professional Help.
Couples counselling or therapy is not optional if the goal is true healing. A therapist helps unpack the “why” behind the affair and guides the couple toward healthier communication and emotional reconnection.
Example: Priya and Sean couldn’t have tough conversations without yelling. In therapy, they learned to use “I” statements instead of accusations and discovered how unmet needs led to distance—well before the affair happened.
4. Rebuild Intimacy Slowly.
Trust isn’t restored overnight. Rebuilding involves:
• Small acts of consistency.
• Keeping promises.
• Physical affection (as comfort allows).
• Doing things that once brought you joy—together.
• Some couples keep a shared journal to write thoughts, apologies, or affirmations for each other during the healing process.
5. Forgiveness Is a Process.
Forgiveness doesn’t mean forgetting, nor does it mean excusing the betrayal. It means letting go of the need to keep punishing. The betrayed partner must take the time they need—while the one who cheated must accept that timeline without pressure.
Important: The person who cheated cannot be the one to demand closure. They must earn it through sustained, patient effort.
Final Note on Recovery.
Not every marriage will survive infidelity, and that’s okay too. Sometimes, the affair reveals deeper incompatibilities that can’t be repaired. But for many, it becomes a wake-up call that leads to a stronger, more honest relationship than ever before.
If you both choose to fight for the marriage—fight with love, truth, humility, and daily intention.
Chapter 5: Financial Strain.
Money problems can cause significant tension in a marriage. Disagreements over spending, saving, or earning can escalate into bigger conflicts. Financial stress often exposes deeper incompatibilities and power struggles.
Money isn’t just about numbers—it’s about security, power, values, and even self-worth. That’s why financial issues are one of the top causes of marital conflict and divorce. When money becomes a source of stress, it seeps into every corner of the relationship—trust, intimacy, communication, and even identity.
Different Money Mindsets.
One of the most common problems is when spouses have different financial philosophies.
Example: Linda is a saver. She feels secure when there’s money in the bank, and she likes planning for the future. Her husband Terry is a spender—he believes money is meant to be enjoyed, especially when life is stressful. After they got married, their differences clashed. Linda saw Terry’s spending as reckless; Terry felt judged and controlled.
They weren’t arguing about money—they were arguing about fear and freedom.
Hidden Financial Baggage.
Each person brings their financial story into marriage: childhood lessons, past trauma, debt, habits, or unspoken shame. If one partner grew up poor and the other in abundance, they may not even realize they view money through completely different lenses.
Example: Ravi couldn’t understand why his wife Maria panicked every time their account dipped below $500. For Maria, it triggered memories of unpaid bills and eviction notices from her childhood. Ravi, who always had a financial safety net, saw no issue. Until they talked it through, their fights made no sense—even to them.
Debt, Job Loss, and Financial Imbalance.
Marriage is tested most when couples face unexpected financial hardship—job loss, medical bills, business failure, or mounting debt.
Take Casey and Tom. After Tom lost his job, Casey became the sole breadwinner. At first, she was supportive. But over time, resentment crept in—she felt overworked and underappreciated. Tom, battling feelings of failure, withdrew emotionally. They weren’t fighting about money. They were fighting about identity, pressure, and unspoken expectations.
When one partner earns significantly more than the other, power struggles can surface—who makes the decisions? Who contributes more? If not addressed, this imbalance can turn into resentment or control.
Lack of Transparency and Secret Spending.
Financial infidelity—hiding purchases, secret credit cards, or lying about money—is a real issue in many marriages.
Example: James secretly took out a small loan to pay off gambling debt. He planned to fix it before his wife Naomi found out—but when she did, it wasn’t just the debt that hurt. It was the secrecy and breach of trust. The damage wasn’t financial—it was emotional.
How to Navigate Financial Strain Together.
1. Have “Money Dates” – Schedule regular, calm conversations about finances. Discuss bills, goals, and fears openly—not just during a crisis.
2. Set Shared Goals – Dream together. Save for a trip, a home, a future. Shared goals bring unity and motivation.
3. Budget as a Team – Even if one handles the finances, both should know where the money goes. Mutual involvement prevents surprises.
4. Tackle Debt Together – Don’t play the blame game. Treat debt as a shared enemy, not a personal failure.
5. Respect Differences – One might be a spender, the other a saver. Find a middle ground that honors both personalities.
Money can be a wedge—or a bridge. The key lies not in wealth, but in wisdom, transparency, and teamwork. When couples face financial strain together—with empathy instead of blame—it becomes an opportunity to build trust and partnership.
Chapter 6: Lack of Emotional Intimacy.
Over time, couples may drift apart emotionally. Life responsibilities, parenting, and career demands can leave little room for nurturing the emotional connection. When partners feel more like roommates than lovers, dissatisfaction can grow.
Emotional intimacy is the invisible glue that holds a marriage together. It’s the quiet connection that makes you feel seen, safe, valued, and deeply known by your partner. While physical intimacy may wax and wane with seasons of life, emotional closeness is what sustains the bond when everything else feels uncertain.
When emotional intimacy fades, couples can live together like strangers—sharing a home, a bed, even children—but feeling lonely, misunderstood, and disconnected.
The Slow Drift.
Emotional distance usually doesn’t happen overnight. It’s a slow fade.
Example: Michael and Jasmine were deeply in love when they married. But after three kids, long work hours, and constant responsibilities, their conversations became purely logistical—“What’s for dinner?” “Did you pay the water bill?” “Whose turn is it to get the kids?” They stopped asking each other how they were really doing. Slowly, the laughter disappeared. Affection dried up. And without realizing it, they had become roommates instead of soulmates.
They didn’t fall out of love—they just stopped connecting.
Why Emotional Intimacy Breaks Down.
1. Unresolved Conflict – Lingering resentment from past arguments creates emotional walls.
2. Lack of Time – Busy schedules often steal quality moments.
3. Fear of Vulnerability – Some partners fear opening up because they think it shows weakness or might lead to rejection.
4. Disconnection After Trauma – Loss, betrayal, or major life changes (like a miscarriage or job loss) can drive couples apart emotionally if not processed together.
The High Cost of Emotional Disconnection.
Without emotional intimacy, even small issues feel bigger. Partners may:
• Feel emotionally starved, even if their needs are met physically or financially.
• Start turning to friends, co-workers, or social media for emotional validation.
• Become irritable, dismissive, or shut down completely.
Example: Angela, a teacher, felt she couldn’t talk to her husband Derrick about her bad days. He always brushed it off with advice instead of just listening. So she stopped sharing. Eventually, she started confiding in a male colleague who listened more attentively. She wasn’t looking for an affair—but emotional comfort. And that was enough to create cracks in her marriage.
How to Rebuild Emotional Intimacy
1. Intentional Conversations.
Take 15 minutes daily to check in. Not about chores or kids—but about feelings. Ask:
“How’s your heart today?”
“What’s been weighing on you?”
“When did you feel loved by me this week?”
2. Active Listening.
Listen without interrupting. Validate emotions before offering solutions. Use phrases like:
“That must have been hard for you.”
“Tell me more about how that made you feel.”
3. Small Acts of Connection.
Leave a note. Send a midday text. Hug for more than five seconds. These little things create emotional safety and warmth.
4. Be Emotionally Available.
When your partner reaches out, respond. Don’t roll your eyes, minimize their feelings, or distract yourself with your phone.
5. Create Shared Rituals.
Cook together every Sunday. Take walks without phones. Pray or meditate together. Consistent, shared moments build emotional closeness.
Emotional intimacy is what turns a marriage from a contract into a covenant—from survival into sanctuary. It’s not about being perfect, but about being present, vulnerable, and curious about each other’s inner world.
When emotional intimacy is nurtured, even tough seasons can be weathered with grace and unity.
Chapter 7: Poor Conflict Resolution Skills.
All couples argue, but it’s how conflicts are handled that determines the health of the marriage. Avoiding issues, blaming, or escalating arguments rather than resolving them leads to recurring problems and emotional fatigue.
Marriage is often imagined as a grand, enduring love story — but in truth, it’s a collection of tiny decisions made every day. It’s not the grand gestures that sustain a marriage, but the consistent, quiet choices: listening when you’re tired, saying thank you even for the small things, choosing kindness over being right.
Unfortunately, it’s also these small things — when neglected — that begin to unravel the fabric of a marriage.
1. Unrealistic Expectations and the Myth of Perfection.
In the age of Instagram, TikTok, and carefully curated online relationships, people fall in love with a version of marriage that doesn’t exist. They expect constant romance, uninterrupted happiness, and effortless compatibility.
But marriage, in reality, is messy. It requires work, compromise, and sacrifice. There are seasons of dryness, disagreements, and disappointment. And when couples don’t anticipate this — when the first real conflict arises — they mistake it for failure, rather than a natural part of the process.
Some partners expect their spouse to be everything: a best friend, therapist, financial planner, co-parent, lover, and emotional anchor. No one can fulfill all those roles perfectly. Disappointment sets in not because the partner is failing, but because the expectations were never realistic to begin with.
2. Emotional Neglect: The Quiet Drift.
Most marriages don’t explode; they fade. The connection dissolves slowly, and the danger lies in how quietly it happens.
It begins with busyness — jobs, responsibilities, kids, obligations. Conversations become logistical: “What time is the meeting?” “Did you pay the bill?” The emotional layer — How are you feeling? What are you struggling with? — gets buried.
One partner may begin to feel invisible or unheard. Needs go unmet, not out of malice, but neglect. And over time, resentment builds — not necessarily for what was done, but for what was missing.
This form of neglect isn’t dramatic, but it’s deadly. It creates emotional loneliness, even when two people share the same bed.
3. Withholding Intimacy.
Physical touch, kind words, emotional vulnerability — these are the lifeblood of intimacy. But in strained marriages, these are the first things to go.
Sex becomes infrequent or mechanical. Holding hands becomes awkward. Compliments disappear. And slowly, partners begin to feel more like roommates than lovers.
Without intentional effort to reconnect — through date nights, shared goals, or simple moments of touch and affection — the intimacy dries up. And once that bond is severed, it opens the door to emotional or physical affairs, or at the very least, a sense of isolation.
4. Poor Conflict Management and the Ego Trap
Disagreements are natural. Conflict is inevitable. But it’s how couples handle conflict that determines the health of the relationship.
Too many couples fall into the trap of criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling — the “Four Horsemen” of marital breakdown, as psychologist John Gottman famously outlined.
Pride often fuels these behaviours. The unwillingness to admit fault. The need to win every argument. The refusal to be vulnerable.
A healthy marriage requires humility. It’s not about keeping score. It’s about asking: What does our relationship need right now, even if it means I have to bend?
When partners choose ego over empathy, battles are won — but the marriage is lost.
Marriages rarely die in a dramatic blaze. They die in silence — from neglect, unmet expectations.
Chapter 8: Societal and Cultural Influences .
Modern society often glamorizes independence, instant gratification, and self-fulfillment — values that sometimes conflict with the patience, self-denial, and compromise that marriage demands. In today’s culture, personal happiness is often placed above collective responsibility. While this has empowered individuals in many ways, it has also quietly undermined the idea of working through marital struggles.
We live in an era that preaches: “If it doesn’t serve you, leave.” That mind-set, while liberating in cases of abuse or neglect, can be dangerous when applied to everyday challenges. Marriage is no longer seen as a permanent bond to be nurtured, but as an optional chapter — one that can be rewritten at will.
1. The Rise of Hyper-Individualism.
From a young age, we’re taught to “chase your dreams,” “put yourself first,” and “never settle.” While personal growth is essential, the danger lies in taking this philosophy too far — to the point where partnership is seen as a threat to individuality.
A healthy marriage doesn’t require one to lose themselves, but to blend dreams and sacrifices with a partner. Yet, in a world that glorifies autonomy and dislikes limits, compromise can be mistaken for weakness.
People now enter marriages thinking, “I’ll stay as long as I’m happy,” rather than, “We’ll work through unhappiness together.”
2. The Culture of Instant Gratific.
With a few taps on a screen, we can order food, meet someone new, or entertain ourselves endlessly. This “now” culture has seeped into our expectations of relationships. Patience is no longer a practiced virtue.
When difficulties arise, many aren’t willing to endure the discomfort of working through them. They look for quicker exits, or even distractions. In the past, couples weathered storms because they didn’t expect constant happiness. Today, we expect immediate solutions — and when they don’t come, we assume the relationship is broken.
But some things — like trust, understanding, forgiveness — can’t be rushed. They take time. And marriage, by its very nature, is a long game.
3. Normalization of Divorce.
While removing the shame surrounding divorce has been a positive step for many who needed a way out of toxic situations, it’s also subtly shifted the collective mindset. Divorce is no longer the last resort — sometimes, it’s the first response to hardship.
In many cultures now, ending a marriage is as normalized as starting one. The vows “for better or worse” are interpreted loosely. And while freedom from painful relationships is essential, this shift has also led some to walk away from unions that might have thrived with time, therapy, or mutual growth.
4. Influence of Media and Pop Culture.
Movies, TV shows, and social media often portray romantic relationships as intense, exciting, and full of dramatic moments. The mundane aspects of real-life marriage — bills, chores, emotional labour — are rarely shown.
People begin to crave what they see on screens: passion without problems, love without labour. And when their real relationship feels dull or strained, they assume they’ve chosen the wrong partner — instead of understanding that love often matures into a quieter, deeper form.
Pop culture also reinforces the idea that something better is always out there. This mind-set feeds dissatisfaction and fuels emotional or physical infidelity.
Marriage today is not failing solely because people are selfish or incompatible. It’s also failing because society has changed — and marriage has not adapted fast enough to keep up.
If marriage is to survive in this modern world, it must be redefined. Not as the end of freedom, but as the beginning of a different kind of strength. Not as a cage, but as a shared adventure. One where two imperfect people choose each other, not because it’s always easy — but because it’s always worth it.
Chapter 9: Lack of Preparedness.
Many people walk into marriage armed with love, excitement, and good intentions — but sadly, unprepared for the depth of commitment it truly requires. Love may be the spark, but it is not the fuel that sustains a lifelong partnership. That fuel is understanding, maturity, patience, and practical readiness — all of which are often missing in modern unions.
1. Romanticism Over Realism.
From fairy tales to romantic comedies, many are conditioned to believe that love will naturally conquer all. Few are taught that love alone is not enough. Communication, conflict resolution, emotional regulation, and financial management — these are the unglamorous skills that hold a marriage together.
The problem is that many enter marriage focusing more on the wedding day than on the life after it. They plan for the celebration, but not for the compromises, the disagreements, the seasons of change. When those moments come — and they always do — they feel blindsided and overwhelmed.
2. Lack of Emotional Maturity.
A successful marriage requires two emotionally healthy individuals. But too often, people bring childhood wounds, unresolved traumas, and poor coping mechanisms into the relationship, hoping marriage will heal or hide them. It doesn’t.
Instead, marriage magnifies those flaws. Insecurity becomes jealousy. Control becomes manipulation. Silence becomes emotional withdrawal. Without self-awareness and healing, couples project their pain onto one another, turning love into a battleground rather than a refuge.
Preparedness means working on oneself before attempting to merge lives with someone else.
3. Financial Illiteracy and Misalignment.
Money remains one of the top causes of marital strain. Yet many couples never discuss their financial habits, goals, or values before getting married.
Some avoid the topic altogether, fearing conflict. Others assume love will naturally sort out issues like debt, spending, saving, or budgeting. But financial incompatibility is a slow poison in marriages — it breeds resentment, blame, and mistrust.
Preparedness means having hard conversations early: Who handles the bills? Do we combine accounts? What are our financial goals? How do we deal with financial stress?
Without clarity and alignment, money can silently divide even the most loving couples.
4. No Conflict Management Skills.
Every couple fights. The question isn’t if you’ll argue, but how you’ll do it.
Unfortunately, many people were never taught healthy conflict resolution. They either grew up in homes where fights were explosive — full of yelling, insults, or violence — or in families where conflict was avoided entirely.
So they carry these dysfunctional models into marriage: yelling to feel heard, shutting down to feel safe, or punishing their partner through silence or distance.
Preparedness means learning how to fight fair. How to listen without interrupting. How to express needs without blaming. How to stay present even when uncomfortable. Without these tools, disagreements become destructive.
5. Unrealistic Timelines and Pressures.
Society often imposes timelines: “Marry by 30,” “Have kids right away,” “Buy a house next.” Under this pressure, people rush into marriage before they’re truly ready — emotionally, mentally, or spiritually.
Some marry because “everyone else is doing it.” Others because they fear being alone. But marriage isn’t a checkbox. It’s a lifelong commitment that deserves thoughtful preparation, not impulsive decisions.
Marriage is not a fantasy. It’s not a reward for being in love. It’s a daily choice to show up, to grow, to forgive, and to fight for each other — not with each other.
When people enter it unprepared — expecting ease instead of effort — they’re often disillusioned when reality hits. But when marriage is approached with maturity, clarity, and realistic expectations, it has the potential to become one of life’s most profound and beautiful journeys.
Chapter 10: The Role of Technology.
Social media and smartphones can be both a blessing and a curse. Constant connectivity may lead to distractions, comparison with other couples, and even opportunities for infidelity. Digital life often intrudes upon face-to-face intimacy.
We are more connected than ever before — and yet, many couples have never felt more distant. In a world where smartphones rarely leave our hands and social media occupies hours of our day, technology has become both a tool and a trap for modern marriages.
While it offers convenience, communication, and moments of shared entertainment, it also brings distraction, unrealistic comparison, emotional disconnection, and subtle — or not-so-subtle — doorways to betrayal.
1. The Distraction Dilemma.
One of the most common complaints in modern relationships is, “You’re always on your phone.”
Technology has made it harder for couples to be fully present with each other. Even when they’re in the same room, they may be in separate digital worlds — scrolling, liking, watching, replying. What was once “quality time” has now become time shared with screens.
Conversations are cut short. Eyes wander to notifications. Date nights are interrupted by emails or trending videos. Slowly, unintentionally, technology replaces real connection.
Without intentional boundaries, couples begin to coexist — together physically, but absent emotionally.
2. The Comparison Trap.
Social media offers a filtered window into other people’s lives. We see smiling couples on vacations, receiving surprise gifts, or writing long anniversary posts filled with poetry.
What we don’t see are the arguments before the photo, the therapy sessions, or the quiet loneliness behind those curated smiles.
Still, many fall into the trap of comparison. “Why aren’t we that happy?” “Why doesn’t my partner do that for me?” This breeds dissatisfaction and resentment, even when the relationship is actually healthy and stable.
What’s worse, some begin to perform their relationship for the internet instead of nurturing it in reality. The pressure to appear perfect becomes more important than the effort to be authentic.
3. Digital Infidelity and Emotional Affairs.
Technology has made cheating more accessible than ever. With just a few clicks, one can reconnect with an ex, engage in flirtatious conversations, or join platforms that encourage secrecy.
Emotional affairs — often fuelled by social media or messaging apps — are on the rise. They may start as innocent chats, but slowly, intimacy builds. Secrets are kept. Boundaries are blurred. And eventually, trust is broken.
What makes digital infidelity dangerous is how easy it is to justify: “It’s just talking.” But when emotional energy and attention are consistently directed outside the marriage, intimacy within begins to die.
4. Loss of Face-to-Face Intimacy.
Human relationships thrive on non-verbal communication — touch, eye contact, body language. Yet, technology often takes us away from these fundamental forms of connection.
Couples may find themselves texting more than talking, sending emojis instead of expressing emotions. They lie in bed side by side, both scrolling — sharing a space, but not a moment.
Technology has even affected intimacy in the bedroom. Screen time replaces pillow talk. Pornography, often accessed privately, can reshape expectations and create distance between partners.
5. Surveillance and the Erosion of Trust
Some couples use technology to track, monitor, or control their partners — reading messages, checking locations, or snooping through devices.
While transparency is healthy, surveillance creates fear, not trust. It turns the relationship into a power struggle, breeding suspicion and anxiety.
Trust should be built through open communication and respect — not digital policing.
Technology is not the enemy of marriage — disconnection is. Phones, apps, and social media are tools; how they’re used determines their impact.
Couples must be intentional. Put the phone down. Have screen-free dinners. Take walks without headphones. Protect digital boundaries. Be present. Listen. Touch. Look into each other’s eyes.
In a world of constant notifications, be the person who makes your partner feel like they’re the only one in the room.
Marriage remains a beautiful and meaningful institution, but it requires effort, growth, and resilience. By understanding the reasons behind modern marital breakdowns, couples can work toward healthier, more enduring relationships. Awareness is the first step toward change, and this content aims to shed light on the complex reality of why marriages don’t last today.
Life doesn’t end with divorce—it simply begins a new chapter. While the end of a marriage can bring pain and uncertainty, it can also open doors to healing, growth, and rediscovery. You are not defined by what didn’t last but by the strength it took to let go and move forward.
Love, joy, and peace are still very much within your reach. The journey may look different now, but it’s still yours to walk—full of possibilities, new connections, and fresh starts. Your story isn’t over. In fact, a beautiful new beginning is just ahead. Keep going—you’re doing better than you think.
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